Well we had this big Live Oak in our front yard and since one of the 40' limbs decided to fall on it, we had a guy fell the tree. I wanted the firewood so I told the guy to leave the wood, and boy-o-boy did he ever. He basically left it where it fell. So I had to go out, get a new chainsaw blade and get this thing out of the yard. Now, this tree is probably over 100 years old so it is freaking huge. To make things worse the tree is dead, so the wood has already hardened (insert joke here).
I get the tree cut into manageable pieces with the chainsaw. Here come the fun part, taking these huge rock hard chunks of tree and splitting them...with nothing but hand tools. One of my past-times is traditional woodworking, so I have a pretty sizable axe collection. I had all the appropriate tools, 2 axes, a maul, 2 wedges of different sizes, sledgehammers, etc... I worked my ass off and only got half of what I wanted to get done. To boot, I broke the handle on my favorite axe.
I get the bright idea to drink nothing but Rockstar and dehydrate myself throughout the day. Then I get even smarter and begin drinking Jim Beam. I'm so dehydrated that when I went to use my Quadriceps to straighten out my leg they want to crap at the same time. I had to get up and straighten out my leg on the floor.
And now I'm just sitting around listening to this: