Bigger Wood and Family

Spent more time splitting wood today and it still seems like I haven't put a dent in the mess. Thankfully my neighbor Dave let me borrow his wood splitter and I got twice the work done. He helped me section out to limbs into manageable pieces as I used the hydraulic splitter. I have more firewood than I'll ever need and if anyone would like some I'll help you out. Shoot me an email if you are in Gainesville and would like some. I've got plenty of wood to go around (insert dick joke here). The oak is already seasoned and judging by how dense it is it will burn really hot for a long time.

It was a good day to practice for the stones. The pieces of oak were about 2' long and about 1.5' in diameter. They were heavy as hell, so I practiced picking them up stone style, then hoisted them on my shoulder. Then I carried them over to the splitter and did what you do with a splitter. My Glutes, Traps, and Erectors are officially dead.

I had my Dad as my helper today after Dave left. My Dad had his spine fused not too long ago and he could not lift, but he ran the lever of the splitter as I picked up the huge ass sections of tree. Now, that doesn't sound like too much help, but you have no idea. Just having someone run the lever makes the job almost 2x as fast as normal, so I was extremely happy to have him there to help. Plus, I have a lot of fun with him, he is great to bullshit with.

Playing with Wood and Cramping

Well we had this big Live Oak in our front yard and since one of the 40' limbs decided to fall on it, we had a guy fell the tree. I wanted the firewood so I told the guy to leave the wood, and boy-o-boy did he ever. He basically left it where it fell. So I had to go out, get a new chainsaw blade and get this thing out of the yard. Now, this tree is probably over 100 years old so it is freaking huge. To make things worse the tree is dead, so the wood has already hardened (insert joke here).

I get the tree cut into manageable pieces with the chainsaw. Here come the fun part, taking these huge rock hard chunks of tree and splitting them...with nothing but hand tools. One of my past-times is traditional woodworking, so I have a pretty sizable axe collection. I had all the appropriate tools, 2 axes, a maul, 2 wedges of different sizes, sledgehammers, etc... I worked my ass off and only got half of what I wanted to get done. To boot, I broke the handle on my favorite axe.

I get the bright idea to drink nothing but Rockstar and dehydrate myself throughout the day. Then I get even smarter and begin drinking Jim Beam. I'm so dehydrated that when I went to use my Quadriceps to straighten out my leg they want to crap at the same time. I had to get up and straighten out my leg on the floor.

And now I'm just sitting around listening to this: